The void within me

As I sat at the table this morning sipping a cup of tea, my student's 3-year-old daughter was watching telly when suddenly she says, "Mummy, I need the toilet!". It was her first time asking to use the toilet. Off to use the toilet she went with mummy. A foul fragrance filled the room and a few moments later both mother and daughter proudly came back to the dining room. Dad was also quite proud that her little princess had used the loo for the first time. "She is growing so fast", said Mum. "She certainly is", I said. As the cute toddler retires to the sitting room to watch over-the-top happy Mickey Mouse, Mum's face becomes somewhat grim and without looking at me or her husband, she says, "I feel like I'm losing a leg".

"How do you mean?", I replied in astonishment and confusion. "I was speaking to Mariella over the weekend and she was telling me that when her daughters went to Europe she felt like she was losing a limb. And that's sort of how I feel right now. My baby is growing and it makes me feel like I'm losing one of my limbs." Being the cheeky lad that I am, I said, "Well, in 5 year's time she will be in elementary school, in 10 year's time she'll be in secondary school and in 15 year's time she'll have a boyfriend!" Mum and dad both say, "Oh, shut up!" After having a good laugh, mum says, "Oh how I wish I could stop her from growing." "Well", I say, "We can't stop the course of life, can we? As much as we wish we could."

On my way to the supermarket for my daily croissant and Pepsi I thought of my student's wife's words and my own. I feel like I'm losing a limb. That is how I feel as well. I miss my friends in the UK dearly. It feels like, in a way, I have lost a part me. And that part of me has stayed in London. I feel like something is missing inside me. Then my own words came back to me. "We can't stop the course of life". I need to move on. It has simply been so hard. I feel like I have changed so much. I didn't know I could miss a place, that I could miss people so intensely. To the point of feeling empty. I have been reminiscing all the great times I've had with the people who have come into my life. It fills me with joys and tears. At the same time, life goes on. The earth will continue to circle the sun. The birds will keep on singing. I will one day be old.

So I feel like I've lost a limb. And somehow, I have to carry on without it.

Cholo de m....

It is quite customary to hear latinos call each other names which in other cultures may be taken as an insult. A husband may call his wife gordita (fatty), a wife may call his husband negro (black), a mother may call his son chino (Chinese/oriental) or a man can call his mate flaco (skinny). These are all terms of endearment in Hispanic culture, if the right intonation is used of course. I personally do not like being referred to as flaco, zambo, etc. even if it comes from a family member or a close friend with the best intentions at heart. It's just one of my pet peeves.

Now some words which make reference to someone's ethnicity can be used in a very offensive manner. For instance, we have the word cholo which describes someone who has a lot of Inca (native Peruvian) ancestry. A serrano would be someone that comes from the Andean mountains.

On my way to work today, a pizza delivery guy attempted to run the red light, which he didn't manage to do. An upset, if not outraged, pedestrian yelled at him and then turned his attention to a police officer nearby. After pointing out to the policewoman what the motorcyclist had done, he shouted, "Cholo de mierda" (fucking cholo). Now, as a Peruvian, I have Inca ancestry in me, just like that delivery guy and that pedestrian do. So why would a cholo insult another cholo? Why use such word to insult someone's ethnicity which happens to be the same as my own? Sadly, I hear people say things like this all the time. "Deberian mandarte de vuelta a tu tierra" (they should send you back to your hometown), "Serrano bruto" (Stupid Andean man), etc. Some racial remarks can be very hurtful and insulting. But once again, if we as Peruvians have some of that cholo and serrano in us, because in the end we are all mixed and have a bit of everything, why do we have to base our insults on what we are ourselves?

Please feel free to comment.

Sunflowers

There is a small coffee shop my friend Martin and I used to go to for tea. We had made a habit of going there after strolling in Victoria Park or lying on the grass in London Fields. A couple of weeks before I left the UK we were on our way to the coffee shop, this time, however, we were walking along Regent's Canal. We stumbled upon some beautiful sunflowers and we stopped to have a closer look and take some photos. These sunflowers were truly gorgeous. Their leaves were so smooth and yellow, and the central part was a dark vibrant brown. The stem was also quite long and they were on the side of the pavement in front of a wooden fence. As you may already know, the leaves and flower head of a sunflower follow the direction of the sun, changing their orientation from east to west during the day. After admiring the splendour of these flowers we moved on. It was a sunny, warm August afternoon.

It has been three months since I left London and the weather has grown colder in the UK. Temperatures are below zero and snow has been forecast. I was speaking to Martin, who told me he'd been walking along the canal where we saw those sunflowers. There, where beauty once was, now lies death. I could not help but think that we human beings, just like sunflowers, live on this earth for a very short time. Just like those sunflowers, we grow, we reach the climax of our lives, we grow old, we wither and eventually we die. As time goes by, with every day, every hour, every minute and every second going by, we will eventually come to the end of our existence. We will not always have the softness and brightness of those sunflowers. The sun will not always shine and the warmth that gives us life will one day be gone. Someday we will start to get wrinkly. Someday we will become droopy. Someday we will no longer be here.

Lots of people will walk along that canal and look at us. And so whilst we are yellow and following the direction of the sun, we should try and absorb as much energy as we can. We should try and make the most of our time whilst we are still full of life. And when we are old and withering, people will look at us and remember the beautiful sunflower standing tall and pretty along the canal.

When you do your job right, you expect people to commend you...

... but such is not the case for bus drivers in Lima. This past Monday I was on a bus that did not have a conductor. So the driver was making people pay him as soon as they hopped on the bus. Now, how dangerous and reckless is that -- dealing with money and giving tickets to passengers whilst driving a vehicle!! Not an unusual sight in this city, however.

It is impossible to sit on a bus, enjoy a pleasant journey home or to work and relax. You just can't do it here. Why, might you ask? Because a) the driver may be playing music and it can be a bit loud and it may not be what you want to listen to b) Both driver and conductor are loud and rude. More so the conductor c) The horn is always unnecessarily honked by every driver on the road d) Because these buses are trying to get as many passengers as they can, they will drive recklessly. To add to this nightmare, traffic rules are never obeyed. Buses stop just about everywhere to pick up and drop off passengers. There are some signs along the sidewalks saying it is prohibited for a bus to stop there, but it's just a suggestion. They will stop when the light's green to get people to get on the bus, but then, when the light's red, they will run it.

People complain that bus drivers do not do their job right. Passengers treat them like dirt and they are quite rude in return. Much to my astonishment, this driver was actually doing his job the way it should be done. He wouldn't stop at every bloody corner to pick up a 50-cent passenger and he wouldn't drop anyone off wherever they wanted. He was also encouraging people to get on and off the bus at bus stops and he wasn't being rude or sarcastic. He was clearly and politely telling people he could be fined if caught by the police. I could hardly believe it. I had to pinch myself. I wasn't dreaming.

It was good to see this man was trying to make a difference. Yet, his passengers started hurling insults and being absolutely heinous at him. I will not even begin to mention the score of nasty things he was told. It is going to take years for the public transport in Lima to become decent. And if the people do not cooperate to change this chaos into order and civilisation, then it's going to take even longer. I may not be around to see it, and I still got a long way to go... or so I think.

Back home.

I know it has been a good while since I updated my blog. Life just became quite busy when I was in the UK and I completely forgot I had a blog where I explain/talk/rant/bitch about life in general. I will try to get back into the habit of writing.

I am now back home in Peru after spending 13 months in the British Isles where I supported people with learning disabilities to live as independently as possible. If, 5 years ago, anyone had told me I'd spend such a long time in a northern European island helping the mentally disabled, I would have wet my knickers laughing. I love helping people when I can but, 5 years ago, I would not have seen myself as the type of person who would go out of his way for a whole year and a month to help the mentally handicapped in a foreign land. I just wouldn't see it happening. However, the time came when I felt I was really ready to leave Peru for a while and experience life abroad. I looked into several options but I could not find anything that took my fancy. Nor could I find something where I met the criteria. After months of searching and a really annoying itch to get out of the country, I met a bloke who was getting ready to go to Scotland to do voluntary work. At first I wasn't too keen on the idea of volunteering but I thought it could be an experience. And so it was a year later that I decided I would do voluntary work in the UK.

Initially, I was going to spend a year in Edinburgh helping the socially unhinged but I could not get a visa due to a piece of documentation the charity failed to submit. So much for that. I did not stay downhearted for too long, however. I got another job offer from a charity in London. The rest is history. The rest was amazing. The rest taught me so much about myself. The rest is something I will never forget. Supporting people with disabilities was a challenge at times, and yet it was so humbling and rewarding at the same time.

Now I am back home. It is good to be back but I have to re-adjust to life here, even if I was only gone for about 400 days. I want to thank, once again, all of you who came into my life this past year and those who followed me throughout my journey. What's next? You'll have to read my blog...

A visit to ZSL London Zoo.

I went to the zoo with one of my service users for the second time today as we didn't get to see all of it the first time we went there. You could spend an entire day at that zoo and probably not see all of it!

Getting to London Zoo can be a bit of a lengthy trip if you don't live around the area, but it is certainly worth a visit. I was a bit dissapointed that there weren't any elephants and panda bears, but there were meerkats, otters, okapis, insects, reptiles, camels, bearded pigs, lots of birds, gorillas, and llamas!!! A zoo is never complete without llamas.

So my service user and I visited the bits we didn't see the last time and we also took a short stroll around some of the areas we'd been before. I was telling him what the animals were called, what sort of family they belong to and what skills they have. All that info I read off the walls and signs at the zoo, of course! So I'm telling my service users that tigers and lions pounce on their preys and bite their necks, monkeys like to climb trees, llamas spit if you get too close to them, camels molt in the spring, spiders spin webs, etc.

On the way to the bus stop I asked my service user what he saw in zoo. I was hoping I had done a good job at explaining what the animals were and what they did, and I must have been great because his enthusiastic response was:

"I saw lots of different animals!"

:/